hard times

Performance time approaches, and this rabble was in sore need of rousing. But it was an uphill battle much of the time. Some of us, including yours truly, were just plain late. All of us had to go to the bathroom at some time or other (but never the same time). All of us had to get drinks of water, etc etc…and one of us got caught in a rainstorm on the way over and had to duck under cover and wait for it to pass (he may or may not have heard a faith-shaking story about the extremes of humanity during this time). All in all, we had many needs, and they all had to be met, and at different times.

This made getting things together a difficult task. To make it even more difficult, our Choreographer was not there. The reluctant sous-Choreographer had to step in.

"I think you were over there, and then I was lying here, and she was dead, but she's not here so we have to pretend…"
"Did you have a horn?"
"Yeah, I had a horn, I think we all had horns..."
"Well he's Gabriel so he's got to have a horn."
"I want one of those toy horns, you know, one of those toy horns…"

"And then we defrost her with a huge hairdryer. I'll bring the hairdryer. I mean, I don't have one, but I'll make one…"

We'd thought about defrosting our nuns using some paper flames I made for another performance, but, as someone pointed out, we just wanted to defrost them, not actually cook them. After all, we didn't want Filet Mig-nun. Ba-dum-ching!

That was officially the best joke of our whole time, so far. And not, I admit, mine!

Anyway, I did my best rehearsing our dance but I think if our Choreographer does not return we will have to bring in the big guns. I suggest inviting this Guest Star.

In the meantime, I'd like to give a shout-out to Dan Goggin, wherever you are. You have a truly unique, awe-inspiring way with words. Who else could write the line "we must comply or face a fine" and have it crack me up every time?

I'd also like to give a quick salute to this ice cream - this may seem SLIGHTLY off-topic but it is what's in my freezer, after all, and I'd like you all to run out and buy it (but only when it's on sale!) because the last time I fell in love with an ice cream flavor it was all of a sudden discontinued at Wegmans and even though your correspondent visited several different stores trying to find it and then finally wrote a comment card and got a highly unsympathetic call from a heart-of-stone customer service agent who said, basically, "No one else liked it," she cannot believe that no one else liked it, they must have just forgotten to buy it for a few months and then Wegmans got the silly idea to take it off the shelves. So you see, you must not let this happen again! And with this admonishment, EAT MORE ICE CREAM, I leave you, dear friends.

bottoms up!

Anyone within a 5-mile radius knew what we were doing tonight. Birds fled the trees. Chipmunks found their holes. Children begged to sleep with their parents. Because we were CHOREOGRAPHING!

Look out, kids! Look out, world! Look out, cello sitting at the side of the room. This woman is choreographing and ain't nothin gonna stop her. Ain't no old rug corner gonna trip her. She's going to act, and sing, and do the splits, and teach us the jazz square, and be a dead nun, and a live nun, and anything you need...Oh yes, today was the Debut of a Brand-New Choreographing Sensation! Write it down, people. You'll want to remember.

It was also the debut of yours truly as sous-Choreographer. A role I really just fell into, and didn't really deserve, since I was constantly misbehaving and talking and not paying attention. But we will try harder in the future  :)

Now we did have one audience member, one brave bit of wildlife that stuck around for the show, and he very generously allowed his image to be used here:

There was some opposition to his presence, and he was lovingly and carefully relocated, but it has to be said, so it might as well be said here, that we have probably had less attentive audiences.

All that remains is for me to let you know that today's blog post was brought to you by the letter B: for balloon, banshee, and The Girl with the Broken Bum. Look for it soon in bookstores everywhere. 

die speisen werde ich nicht verschmähen

Ok, guys, where are you? Shadowing Idina Menzel? Fording the rivers of Pennsylvania? Or did you see my new nail polish color, notice you weren't wearing that color, and decide to turn back because everybody else was, and we would clash? Don't worry! Everything goes with purple!

We were a lean, mean trio again this week. Which means that we got through a lot of stuff.

Trio from The Magic Flute? Yeah!
"Story of my Life" from Shrek? Yeah!
"A Heart Full of Love"? You bet!
"A Little Fall of Rain"? Can't hurt me now!
"First Time in Forever"? …oh wait. Here comes Marius, back from the bathroom.

We took turns being Eponine again. Everybody likes Eponine. She gets to be noble. She gets to sing really cool low notes, and she gets to die a beautiful, self-sacrificing death. She also gets the best vocal warm-ups.

We got a chance to delve into the nitty-gritty details of German pronunciation.
"It's i - E! and e - I!"
"Oh! so it's 'dye spyzen'"
"No, no, 'deeeee shpyzen', and you have to shove an h in there too after the s…"
This is not the first time this confusion has arisen.

And there was even time for some real, true, honest-to-goodness philosophizing.
"I was learning life lessons!"
"From whom?"
"From what else? Life!"
"Life is the worst teacher. It gives you the test before it teaches you how to do it!"
"Yeah. And you never know what you did wrong."

Well here's to you, Life. You may not have the pedagogy all down, but you sure have some fascinating, mind-blowing, beautiful, tragic, huge things to teach. Even if I did topple off a wall, even if they did break my wand, banish me from the kingdom….. count me in.

thoughts...everywhere...

I am happy to say that our numbers swelled back up this week.

And so, correspondingly, did the ruckus. 

The result of which is that your correspondent, sitting on her couch, eating raw broccoli and pistachios - as one does - is having difficulty condensing two thrilling, fun-filled, event-packed hours into one small and modest post. 

One of our number expressed it best I think when, after pausing briefly to catch breath, she managed: "Sorry…thoughts…everywhere…" Shortly after which she fell off her chair. So you see what I mean. 

There was our ethereal soundscape of a scale (some have likened it to the sound of a choir of drunken monks). 5 independent voices, utterly untethered by the confines of tonality, forging utterly new paths. "Do"? Where we're going, we don't need "do"…

There was a brief discussion on whether or not it would be cool to be able to sing 2 notes at a time. 

"It would be cool!"

"No. Not cool. That's a disease. I never want to get it."

"But it would be cool!"

"Once after I was sick I had it for 2 weeks. It was not cool."

"Did you get it from singing Wagner?"

"No, it wasn't Wagner, it was a virus, and it was NOT COOL!"

"…I still think it would be cool…"

There was the general consensus that pigs do belong in condos 

(that is, if they are going to live in houses at all) and that if they are going to have German accents, they should start with them, and not adopt them mid-song. I mean, vat ees up vis zat? 

It's just not very Gesamtkunstwerk. 

Vishing you a very heppy Wagner's birsday, and a lovely week, until next time!

olympia

wallburga

Well, folks, we were only 3 again this week. What is it? Where have our friends gone? If they promise to come back, I will promise not to make quinoa jokes anymore. Or Candy Crush jokes.

OK, maybe not for a couple of weeks, at least.

A big treat this week was hearing one of our number sing one of my Favorite Arias I Never Knew the Name Of: Ebben! Ne andro lontana (Fine! I'm leaving!) from La Wally by Alfredo Catalani. First of all: yes, "La Wally". Our heroine is named Wally, which I find rather endearing, especially considering this was 1892.
"Wally?"
"It's short for Wallburga."
"Ah."

Next we had the Discovery of Fred the Ratchet Fish.

Yes, Fred just Appeared in our midst, and that next to him is a dowel-stick bow, made for a Suzuki box violin. Why did Fred join us? you ask. And why is his name Fred? 

Well, children, long long ago (exactly one week ago) one of our group was singing the doll aria from Les contes d'Hoffmann and your faithful correspondent was put in charge of winding her back up when she had run down…but we didn't have anything to make the right sound when the winding was being done. 

Lo and behold, this week, there Fred was, slyly waiting by the piano! With the perfect sound, and that cute gaping mouth, and slightly stunned look to boot. Universe: 1. Us: 1. Win-win.

And why is his name Fred? 

That, my friends, must wait for another time…

So, come back, singers, come back! Because "We've Got to Clean out the Freezer"…and we can't do it without you!

a heart full of… what?

Our numbers had dwindled down this week. Were people stunned by the sudden outburst of spring? Getting in line early for their favorite beef jerky stand at the Lilac Festival? Who knows. But we had just enough personnel to sing some trios from Les Misérables.

Your correspondent, though she finds it hard in some circles to admit this, has not always appreciated Les Mis. This can be blamed in part on her childhood best friend, who after her NKOTB phase launched straightaway, without pause for breath, into a Les Mis phase, in which only this soundtrack graced her tape player (yes, tape player. I am that old). I, for my part, dreamed of a world *without* a "Castle on a Cloud".

Now this crusty curmudgeon has had her heart softened (maybe even melted!), by what we're not quite sure (perhaps someone wanted to bake with it?) (ew), and can enjoy hitherto unknown delights such as Love at First Sight, Unrequited Love, and Selfless Self-Sacrifice. Ok, that last one she knew something about before. But anyway, all this makes musicals like Les Mis much more enjoyable!

Our valiant Marius had to put up with 2 Cosettes, 2 Eponines, and they kept switching. Not to mention all that French, and the changing words… a heart full of you…oh crap, love…

We also enjoyed a performance of the doll song from Les Contes d'Hoffmann. "What do dolls sing about?" I wondered. Turns out, same as everyone else. Love, love, love. But this thought got me thinking…do androids dream of electric sheep? etc… what if Rutger Hauer were to sing "A Little Fall of Rain"…?

Oh, and I almost forgot this.

Good night, my sweet ones, good night.